On 7/1/2012 one of my best friends committed suicide. I had met him online years before, on a support forum, he was a fellow survivor.
Yesterday marked 6 months since his death and I still cannot accept the fact he's gone. It kills me everyday knowing I'll never hear his voice or see him again. I'm filled with anger at the people who hurt him, who made him think there was no way out, no hope.
I'm not a religious person, I don't really believe in life after death. But I do like to imagine he watches over me, it's a nice thought. I like to think of him as a butterfly, free from the darkness. I'm sure he's off flying somewhere, wings filled with all the colours of the rainbow. He had such a beautiful colourful heart.
I Wish I could be off flying with him.
I struggle with feeling suicidal myself and have previously attempted it, let's face it the world isn't exactly a nice place to live. But his death has shown me the pain it leaves behind. He didn't get rid of his pain he just transferred it onto me. I get angry with him about that sometimes but then again I'll take that pain if it means he is happy and at peace.
This drawing and poem is for my Penguin. For anyone who is feeling suicidal please seek help, call a helpline, anything. Death is so final, I have to believe there is always hope...
The Jar
Trapped inside
Wings folded tight
Darkness all consuming
The claws they grasp
Fog is swirling
Echos of screams is overwhelming
Hell's gates are closed
The fires deserted
The demons take residence here
Glass treasures the pain
The way is shut
Cruel taunt of life's design
-----------
Freedom Wings
Words breakaway
The pain i feel now you're gone
Taken too soon
Your shadow lingers in my light
I place no blame, the darkness is gone
Free from your jar
You're where you belong
Wish i could be in that perfect place
where you now reside
Flying free
Holding hands
I'm forever by your side
RIP
xx
