With my anniversary tomorrow i have little words. By chance i found this striking photo with a paragraph underneath that manages to describe me exactly. I have included the paragraph below along with the reference to where the writing came from.
the only word to describe this feeling is numb. she cant feel anymore, she cant even allow herself to feel anymore. every time it just ends in disappointment. there is never a happy ending, never ends with a smile. behind those piercing blue eyes is nothing but pain and lost. its obvious when shes crying but she holds those tears back. and so if you look closely behind the smile, youll see the hurt. there is no happiness in this thing called life, at least not for her. no fairy tale ending. just ever present and constant reminders of a life she never dreamed of. a life which she doesnt want to live. a life she doesnt know what to do with. surrounded by things she cant escape and doesnt know how to deal with. past lives coming back to haunt and be relived. nobodys been there for her and no one ever will be. its a self defeating attitude and she knows it but she cant seem to shake it. shes learning the hard way you can only look out for number one. that you are the only one looking out for you. but she doesnt even know how to do that. she doesnt know how to come to her own defenses. how to come to her own rescue. shes stopped believing in friendship. shes stopped believing in love. shes stopped believing in survivng. shes only exsisting. walking around like a puppet. going through the motions she needs to so people dont ask too many questions. she wants to reach out so bad, wants someone close to her. to hear her and be there for her. but when she turns around to find a friend, her own shadow is all she sees. its not the life she dreamed of but its the life shes living. shes been doing it so long that shes a pro now. and so although you may see a smile on that face of hers, know that her heart is full of pain.
Writing taken from and credit given too: http://koolkate.tumblr.com/post/908767571/a-heart-full-of-pain
I love your photos and your discriptions this week. I am praying for you during this very hard time. It is true pictures really do say a thousand words. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteChristine
I am thinking of you on this anniversary day. May God give you comfort during this hard time.
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