Friday, 10 June 2011

Midnight Woes

So my clock has just struck midnight, I'm watching the seconds tick by.
The seconds that turn into minutes and the minutes that turn into hours.
Hours of my precious time, wasting away into the past where you cannot claim them back. See that's the funny thing about time, when we need time...we don't have it! And when we don't require any have loads of it!

I am 22 years old with many many hours left infront me. Time seems long, I feel I have loads of it, too much even! So throwing away an hour here or a whole day there, seems like no big deal to me. Infact in my current state of mind I often hope my time will be cut short. Fed up of the painful hours I'd rather my time itself just fizzeled away.

And then there are those with little time left. Who cherish every second of every minute of it. These people say life is short. These people threw time away when they were younger, now they look back with regret. Just hoping for a miracle that time will be given back to them or pray for more time.

I Wish I could give my time to someone else. I feel my time will be wasted. The long healing journey infront of me seems an impossible task. I feel like I'll never get there. I'd give anything to have the strength and just give up. I feel like my life is meaningless now. Someone out there in the big wide world is desperate for more time, their minutes are ticking by fast, so many unfulfilled dreams. I wish I could give the gift of time. And I could lie peacefully in my grave, knowing my time wasn't wasted.

I guess life's a bitch that way.


  1. Just breathe, honey. Deep breath in, exhale. Be in the moment. If the moment is not a happy place, find someone to talk to, email or journal on your blog. It REALLY does get better. And you have already started making a positive difference. Don't think about stopping that now!
    You are loveable. You do matter. You are making a difference! Go stand in the mirror and tell yourself that!

  2. Pastor Sharon is very wise, I hope you listen to her. You will experience many emotions, I am often filled with the temptation to just give up, I dont know the answer but keep talking its the best medicine (((hugs)))

  3. Today is a day when I just want to give up, I came to your blog and read your post, it reminded me that I'm not alone, I wish you weren't in this situation but I'm glad you made this blog so i could read it and feel comforted. x

  4. It's heart-wrenching to read your words. Though the catalyst to your pain is far different from how I reached this state, I've been in the same dark place you describe.

    Don't ever give up, because you will get through this. The very fact that you're writing this blog means you are progressing and processing your feelings. You are taking steps forward, even if you don't recognise that sometimes.

    This is your time and you will find the worth of it again.